Monday, January 19, 2015

Why I Hate and Don't Hate Ichthyosis

The life I live would not be a life at all, if ichthyosis was not a part of it. Evan is my life. (And now, his little brother too). And though ichthyosis comes with some characteristics that I without a doubt, hate, there are many reasons why I do not hate it as well.

I hate ichthyosis because it almost took my son's life.
     Watching my child cling to life in an isolette when he should have been in my belly, was a very scary feeling. Knowing this condition was at it's most crucial and life threatening state upon birth, was terrifying. I will never forgive "ichthyosis" for giving me those feelings.

I hate ichthyosis because it jeopardizes my son's health everyday.
     We have obviously gotten a hold on things over the years with skin management, feedings, hydration, body temperature, surgeries and infections. I have to admit we have been pretty darn lucky but the fact that that can change very easily, is yet again terrifying.

I hate ichthyosis because it will force Evan to be put in awkward situations because of rude and ignorant people.
     Luckily we haven't run into too many horrible souls in Evan's lifetime. The worst that stick out in my mind was the time I thought someone took a picture of him or the time at Target when a mom (who was thinking she was being a great mom) said something to the mom who let her child get severely "sunburned". It is interesting to see how I have changed over the years when it comes to interactions with strangers. Fortunately, when we are faced with any awkward situation, I stay positive for Evan, tell him how beautiful he is and then give him a big kiss.

I hate ichthyosis because on winter days I'm fighting with humidifiers to keep the house moist and in the summer I fight with the air conditioners so that Evan does not overheat.
     I know this comes with the "ichthyosis" territory but I hate it. I hate the gut wrenching worrying when I hear about the 90 degree heat wave that is coming because it is a danger to Evan's health. I hate having to worry about loosing power during a thunderstorm because I won't have a way to keep Evan cool. I hate having to be stressed out anytime we are in the car, in the summer, because even though I have my AC on, it is never cold enough (especially since his car seat is like a personal butt warmer). I hate the winter because without good humidity, he gets fissures very easily. And for skin that heals as quick as it does, it sure takes a long time for these fissures to heal when every time you move they keep opening back up. I hate winter because tubs of Aquaphor, multiple baths and the humidifiers running 24/7, still isn't enough to keep his skin from tearing.

BUT if you are going to make a list there are two sides to it..

I don't hate ichthyosis because it has made me a much stronger person or at least, let my true colors come to light.

I don't hate ichthyosis because without it, we would not have met some absolutely amazing people and families.

I don't hate ichthyosis because it has given us the opportunity to educate others.

I don't hate ichthyosis because it has bonded me to Evan in a way I had never imagined I would be with my child.

I don't hate ichthyosis because it keeps my leather couch nice and soft!

I don't hate ichthyosis because I can get "free" chapstick anytime I want, just by giving my child a smooch!

I don't hate ichthyosis because it made me realize that clothes are JUST clothes.

I don't hate ichthyosis because it makes for easy identification to what Evan has or has not touched. (that will come in handy as he gets older and tries to be sneaky!)

I don't hate ichthyosis because it has made me care less about the insignificant things in life and care more about the important ones.

I LOVE ichthyosis because it makes Evan, Evan.