Heartbroken..

This post is written with a heavy heart. The events in Newtown, CT have strongly impacted my soul. I am devastated for the families of the victims and those who experienced this tragedy unfold. Being a Connecticut resident, an aspiring teacher and having many many friends, family members and acquaintances in the CT school system, it hits way to close to home. I give my most sincere condolences to all who lost a child or family member in this unfathomable tragedy.

Evan and I had an appointment that morning in Hartford (which ironically was changed at the last minute instead of Danbury). I saw something on Facebook mentioning a school shooting as I waited for  the doctor to come in. All I was thinking was, who do I know in Newtown?  The appointment was pretty quick and we were back in the car by 10:30 - 11:00. Once the radio came on, I started to hear more information about what was going on. All they were saying was that one person was confirmed dead, the shooter. I kept changing the channel to get more info but it was lacking. Immediately when I got home, I turned on the TV as I prepared Evan's bath. What a horrible feeling. From what I thought and was hoping wasn't going to be bad, turned into devastation. I was instantly emotional and trying not to be as I did not want to upset Evan.

I listened to the TV as I gave Evan a bath trying to hold back tears. Luckily he fell right asleep afterwards and I was able to get some of my emotions out. No names were mentioned until they released the shooter's possible identity. I was quick to google his name and then my heart fell to the floor. One of the first things that popped up was, "Dawn Hochsrpung, principal of Sandy Hook Elementary". A woman who I worked closely with on the start to my educational journey for my Master's. Still unconfirmed at that time of her condition, I would not believe it was her. I was quick to message a friend I worked with at the same time as Dawn. Reading his message response "It's her" brought me to sobs again. I could not believe this had happened to her, to her school. More bad news rolled in as I received a call from my sister. My mother's best friend's niece also worked at Sandy Hook. She unfortunately did not survive. Yet another brave soul who was trying to protect the students. My heart aches for her family. Though the pain I feel could not compare to those who lost a family member. I am so sorry.

It has been a gloomy weekend here in CT. I had no desire to 'have fun', listen to Christmas music, or finish my Christmas shopping. I pretty much didn't feel like doing much at all. I mustered some energy to play the piano and find myself repeating Silent Night. I have been going in 'waves' as Im sure many are. Our state and country are devastated but we will move forward. A tragedy like this puts things in my life into perspective. Knowing how lucky I am to have my friends, family, husband and an amazing son is a blessing. Realizing how precious and short life is makes me only want to live and lead a positive lifestyle.

Praying for Newtown

Bless you all..